


This

by NorthernStar



Category: Sons of Anarchy
Genre: Character Study, Multi, One of my Favourite Poems, Post - Faith and Despondency, Season/Series 07 Spoilers, The Night is Darkening Around Me, Vignette, emily bronte - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-15
Updated: 2014-11-15
Packaged: 2018-02-25 11:24:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2620010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NorthernStar/pseuds/NorthernStar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He knew all along that he should have gone, pack on his back or rope around his neck, it made no difference.  He should have gone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This

_**“The night is darkening round me,** _   
_**The wild winds coldly blow…”** _

  
Juice dreamt of Miss Hadler last night.  Tall and thin and kind, with her cute little overbite and hummingbird tattoo on the small of her back that showed through her white shirts when she bent over, she had taught him literature in high school, a subject he never would have passed if she hadn’t been so enchanting.  He hadn’t thought about her in years and now she was all his mind could think about.  That sweet and cultured accent, a blend of European, that had pulled him through his exams now curled, in his head, around Tully’s words pulling him through this.

 _This_ is…

(There isn’t a great deal of pain now.  The coke in his veins has seen to that.  It’s more discomfort, soreness.  Amid all the jokes and the laughter, the bigotry, about this, no-one really thinks about the mechanics which struck Juice as workman-like and terribly ordinary.  Tully had pressed a thumbful of Vaseline against Juice’s anus and he had felt the glob go just inside.  He made no other effort as if shoving his penis up there was OK but not his fingers.  Then Tully had smeared it on his dick before shifting into place over Juice’s thighs, his knees tramped carelessly, bruisingly, awkwardly…)

_**“But a tyrant spell has bound me,** _   
_**And I cannot, cannot go.”** _

Miss Hadler had read Emily Bronte in the winter.  Juice remembers snow falling outside the window, remembers watching the flakes pour down out of the dark sky as her voice, her lovely beautiful voice…

(Tully makes Bronte’s words ugly and impure and Juice thinks he could hate him just for that.)

**_“The giant trees are bending,_ **   
**_Their bare boughs weighed with snow;_ **   
**_The storm is fast descending,_ **   
**_And yet I cannot go.”_ **

Juice had learned this poem by heart, for extra credit and to make Miss Hadler smile, but he had never understood the sentiment back then, for leaving was all he had wanted, all he thought about since he was about ten years old.

But he knew now.

_**“Clouds beyond clouds above me,** _   
_**Wastes beyond wastes below…”** _

That had been his life, a fast descending storm, from the moment Eli had dragged him into his office and showed him the file on his father until SAMCRO had walked into the Mayan’s warehouse.  He knew all along that he should have gone, pack on his back or rope around his neck, it made no difference.  He should have gone.

_**“But nothing drear can move me:** _   
_**I will not, cannot go.”** _

Miss Hadler would be pleased that he finally understood. 

It’s a hook in his heart, a clench in his belly and it is _strong._   So strong.  He wants to be with the Sons, to stay forever in Charming because nothing is more terrible than losing that.

Not even _this._

(Tully grunts, words lost, and Juice knows it won’t be long now.)

He wants to stay.  And he will kill and fight and beg and do anything, _anything_ asked of him for that.

Even this.

Even this.


End file.
